Yesterday we talked about making space in the house for a parent to move in.
Today, we’re talking about making room.
There’s a difference.
When Dad first moved in, he had a space. He had tubs and tubs of his belongings, all in his room of the house. As he started unpacking, we started looking at ways to make life more enjoyable for everyone. Ways to blend our lives, and make our house one that Dad could feel at home in.
I tackled the kitchen first, because that seemed like it’d make a big difference. This post will focus on the kitchen. Tomorrow we’ll look at the bathroom, and on Monday we’ll learn about storage.
Making Room in the Kitchen
Dad prefers to eat slightly differently than we do. When he was still working, he got up and ate a quick breakfast before heading out on his mail route. He didn’t eat lunch, and then he ate whatever I made for dinner.
Now that he’s retired, he still prefers his quick breakfasts. He eats later in the day than we do, so it works out nicely. He enjoys cold cereal and frozen meals for breakfast, still doesn’t usually eat lunch, and still joins us for dinner.
To accommodate these differences, I chose to make some room for Dad. We have two fridges upstairs, so I make sure there’s always room for Dad’s milk and coffee creamer in one of them. I cleaned out a freezer on top of one fridge, and now he has room for his breakfast meals.
Dad’s a coffee drinker, and we’re not. At first it was strange to see a coffee pot on the counter, but now we’re used to it.
These changes were simple for me to make. As a result, Dad’s more comfortable. He really appreciates knowing that he can bring home the groceries he wants, and that we’ll have a spot for them to go.
How have you made space in the kitchen to accommodate multi-generational living?
We accommodate two types of multi-generational living, and I’ll address them both, so this will be a lengthy comment. One situation is temporary, as our daughter and son-in-law are living with us while they build their own house on the family property. The second is the result of having seven of our grandchildren live across the road from us and are “regulars” in our household. Each situation placed its own unique demand on our then empty-nester status.
I was ecstatic when I learned that our eldest daughter and her husband wanted to move back to the family property and build a “tiny house,” that will become a guest house when they tackle a larger home. I was almost stymied when I thought of how to accommodate them, and their belongings, for a few months. Grown kids come with lots of “stuff.” But by reconfiguring a garden shed and utilizing the greenhouse and the loft areas in their tiny house shell, we fit it all in. The bigger problem was their cat, because I’m allergic to it. I scratched my head for a few days wondering how we could solve that problem, but I eventually found a solution. One large room of the house has its own entrance and is separated from the rest of the house by a utility area and bathroom. It was a room that needed repainting, and one in which we had already planned to replace carpet. So, we moved them (and their cat) in there, knowing that we’ll paint and re-floor after they’ve left. The utility room area is cleaned regularly and thoroughly, and the rest of the house is vacuumed often, to take care of a any stray cat hairs that come in on their clothing. So far, so good, though if the “buffer” area isn’t cleaned regularly, I get scratchy eyes, and I know that the longer they are here, the more likely I’ll reach my tolerance level. The second issue is clutter. I hate it. So making sure everything gets returned to its spot is important. Everyone puts away shoes, computer cords, iPads and that kind of thing. We also tried to accommodate some of their special things–special foods, spices they use that we don’t, etc. Those were best just integrated into our existing system, or utilizing the outside refrigerator. Finally, parking spots become valuable real-estate with extra adults living here. But the pecking order prevailed, and we still claim our spots close to the house, while the kids get to stumble their way in from the back forty. 🙂 There have been a few bumps in the road, though not nearly as many as we anticipated, given our vastly polarized political views. I look at this situation as a chance to become reacquainted with an adult daughter and get to know our son-in-law in ways that we never would have otherwise. Plus, one is an accomplished baker and the other a talented chef, so there are a few perks in that regard. When the bumps do occur,we all just try to remember that it’s temporary, and they’ll be in their own space soon. It’s worth the bumps to know that my kids will become stewards of this beautiful piece of God’s earth.
The second type of space we make is for grandkids. While they don’t live with us, they’re close enough that they are here on an almost daily basis. There’s a fine line between us being overrun with their clothing and toys and keeping just enough of it here to prevent constant trips back and forth across the road to grab something they forgot. We have one drawer set aside for their combined clothing. If we end up with more than that, it’s packed up and sent home. Like most other grandparents, we keep a selection of toys, books and movies, and art supplies on hand.
Finally, with everyone close by, there are many shared meals. That means six adults and seven kids. On those occasions (which are frequent) we serve everything buffet style and use paper plates, which are compostable or burnable. Kids are dished up first–youngest to oldest–and situated around the big island in the kitchen. My “find of the century” is the little plastic sippy-cup lids that screw onto mason jars. These are so useful–dishwasher safe and easy to store. The jars are heavy enough that they don’t tip over nearly as easily as a plastic cup, and they’re sturdy, so spills are kept to a minimum. I smiled when I handed one of the grandkids a regular glass with water the other day, because he scrunched up his face, tilted his head, and looked at me like he wasn’t quite sure what had happened to the world! So I guess it’s time to graduate the older ones to regular drinking glasses!
In closing, when it comes to family, you do what you have to do. Beneath any potential issue is a deep love that will see us through. So we are making it work. And who knows, someday we may end up occupying that guest house ourselves . . .
I love your comment, you’re right–you do what you have to when it comes to family! Great ideas for making a shared space work.